Finally, finally, other people are finally beginning to appreciate the wonderfulness that is Rachmaninov's Concerto No. 2. Well, at least one person is, and hopefully, after a certain competition, at least another person will too. Let's see...today went rather well, except that I am in an unusually teary mood, and, I killed my favorite flipflops. Very sad. And I got them at Kmart, and now they're filing for bankruptcy. Sigh. I'll have to see if I can find a close facsimile. And I really hope that was even close to the way you spell that. Other than that, though, not a bad day at all. All last semester I began to slowly grow enthusiastic about piano, and now I'm actually taking lessons, nit just keyboarding, but private piano lessons, and it looks like it'll be fun. One thing that is looking not so fun is my scifi class, as Greg can probably attest to, since he heard my ranting for a good twenty minutes. Also I learned something from that ranting - well, two things: A) I should speak up in that class more and defend feminimity and B) a sure sign of love is when both people can be openly condescending and mocking, and neither one minds.
I'm rediscovering peanut butter cookies. Yum.
Off to read for the class...more later...

Well, it's been an eventful day so far. Why, you ask, since it's only 9 in the morning? Because at 3 in the morning the fire alarm went off (someone had pulled it) so we got to stand around in the cold for an hour. Gotta love Rush. And Drew, why in God's name are you awake at 4 and iming me?! Sigh. The good news is, I managed to do all my homework last night, still managed to wake up early to take a shower, and today I only have...oh. The same amount of homework as the other days. Plus The Lord of the Rings to read, and, if I have time, I really really want to read the end of Beyond the Fall of Night. And this was supposed to be my easier semester.

One would think that since I had less classes today things would be much less hectic. They'd be wrong. I had an incredible amount of ensembles, lessons, and homework that took most of the day, the only exception being the neccessary two hours of my shows tonight (which was fun, I communicated somehow with almost everyone about Roswell). I'm sleepy, but done, and sure I'll have to get up early tomorrow to take a shower, but I'm sleepy, and happy, and in love.

Today was quite possibly one of the most hectic days I've had in a long time, and to compound things, I did all this running around campus *and* got to powerwalk/run a mile in aerobic dance. Fun fun fun. I think even my ankles are sore. Luckily, I did manage to get all my homework done, and I don't have too many classes tomorrow, so I should get all of Wednesday's homework done then. And Wednesday should be almost as hectic as today, only I'll actually be able to eat then. Sigh. Ok, I'm in a whiny mood. I'm tired and cracky and a bunch of other things. But amazingly, I'm not in an actual bad mood. Just sleepy and cranky, and babbling.
Music of the Moment: Nine Inch Nails, And All That Could Have Been
Currently Listening To: Moulin Rouge soundtrack, again
I'm in a weird mood today. To follow the advice of a certain wonderful guy, I'm going to think of the bad stuff as little as possible, and when I do, let it bother me as little as possible. There are times when I'm very glad that we're opposites in many respects, cause he gives me clarity that I would ordinarily get too worked up to see. And actually, I'm pretty bad at giving compliments, for various reasons, so while I'm thinking of it, this particular person is also much fun to make cookies with, even if he does tend to steal dough.
Valentine's Day is coming up much too quickly.
I need to find a chocolate bunny.

Hmm....
So I'm getting pretty good at leaving homework unitl the last possible second. I've done half of it tonight, and the other half I'll wake up early tomorrow and do. Tomorrow is going to suck, in general. I don't get to have lunch, cause I have a meeting at noon for a class later that day, and then after my last class I have orchestra immediately after, so I don't get anything to eat til at least 4:30, and then I have horn ensemble that night til ten. Sigh. By Wednesday I have to read a 500-page book that I have not yet begun. This should be a hectic few days coming up.
Thanks to Jacob and Greg for the new alterations to my blog, and Drew and TJ for their ideas. :) This weekend was once again pretty eventful; I got to go to Rocky's twice, and am quickly becoming addicted to this game that I can't remember the name of, and also I conquered my fear of Dance Dance. Woo! I also saw the first half of Aliens tonight, before I fully realized the lateness of the hour and had Greg bring me home, so I should have lovely dreams tonight...oh, and I made cookies today, even though I didn't get to eat very many of them. I *still* have to hear the rest of the new bonus NIN CD....sigh. I suppose that, like the rest of Aliens, will have to wait.
"It's time...."
I'm planning on getting to bed by one, hopefully, so this'll have to be it. Hopefully I'll wake up with my cold fully gone. Here's hoping.

Today has, so far, been a sleepy day. I'm still getting over the cold I've had all week, and just took some Nyquil last night...and this morning, since it seems to be the only thing that works. I woke up at ten, took the medicine, ate lunch and read til two, and then fell back asleep. I just woke up a little while ago. I hate sleeping the day away... but I suppose I needed it, for I feel considerably better. Can't sleep any more , tho, I have to go to Greg's mom's thing tonight. :\ Men's Rush Week ends tonight, and Women's begins tomorrow...seven girls in my hall are rushing, so maybe the hall will quieter. However, this totally smashed girl (at 5 in the afternoon, mind you) just went screaming past my window, so, hmmm. Maybe not.

Ok, so I got back a little while ago from Greg's. He bought the new Nine Inch Nails live DVD and double CD pack, which I really really want, especially the CD, since I don't even have a DVD player yet. So I guess I want the video too. :) The DVD was...well, great, in my opinion. What can I say? After all these years, all these changes, they are still my favorite. I think I'm finally beginning to shake the bad mood I've been in for the past week. And yes, Greg was particularly helpful in the latter part of today for keeping me in a good mood, for which I'm grateful. Even if he did get grumpy about DVD holder sizes. :) If this is ceasing to make sense, well, I took some NyQuil a little while ago, and I think it's beginning to affect me finally, so I'd better go while I can still type (I think).

All right, today was not too bad after all. Except Greg appears to be idle, and since I haven't talked to him since I got home, that is simply not allowed. :( Jill is lonely. And I have to do laundry this weekend. Yuck. But about my day:
I saw Mr. Rogers again, woo! Still didn't day anything to him. And I had my first horn lesson of the semester, which went well, and she didn't seem to notice that I hadn't practiced in a month and a half. Phew. So the afternoon went fairly normally; Emily came over to watch the newly-given Jem tape (thanks Lauren) and I thought that would be the highlight of the evening, til Casey invited Michelle and I to go to Rocky's (woo!) I convinced Michelle to go (what a bad influence I am) and there was this great new game that I am too tired to explain, but will most surely be a new obsession of mine. So all in all, it was fun, though Jackie needs to bring over Dance Dance so I can learn once and for all. And of course, I want to talk to Greg, and I'm miffed that I haven't gotten a response yet. Maybe he fell asleep. :P Speaking of sleep, that's sounding pretty good....more later...

There comes a time in every "guy's girl"'s life when she must reassert her femininity.
As a small child I was such a girly-girl. I wasn't big on lace or ruffles or bows or anything, but I had tons of Barbies and dolls and stuffed animals, and the entire Nancy Drew collection (the originals - the good stuff :). I would have loved to be a gymnast or an ice skater or, heck, be on Star Search, and I knew just about every episode of Full House and Saved by the Bell. But I never really got along all that well with other girls. I always had a best girl friend, but for the most part I got along well with guys. All the women in my family do. And it never occurred to me that most other girls did not find an equal obsession in the X-Files and JTT. :P
By middle school I hung out primarily with guys. It seemed...safer, somehow. Girls could be so hurtful, and i could "relate" to guys: just start talking abou the X-Men or something. In fact, I think it helped me ignore my low self-esteem; other girls might be pretty and make boys like them, but I could be their friends, which I was sure must be better. Due partly to my peers, I concentrated on those aspects of my personality, and virtually denied I had ever been anything but a crass, smart-mouthed girl who dated her way around the social circle and knew all the right things to guys. In a nutshell, it sucked. I got looked down upon by the other girls in the group for being too girly or smart, and all my guy friends wound up liking me, making things very uncomfortable. By high school I was a "freak" girl, dressing in black and eccentric in general, making friends with all the other messed up individuals with problems similar to mine. Don't get me wrong, I did meet some long-lasting friends too - Jacob, who survived my transition well, and Katie and Jen and some others, who managed to see past the vinyl. In actuality, I have no idea how, but oh well.
Obviously we all know how I exited high school: in a near 180. And much happier. But caught in this weird transition: what the hell am I gonna wear in the morning? Why am I still going to Hot Topic? So then I started college, with no friends here. And who did I meet first? The random weird Magic Guys. Nice, yes, all of them, but every time I hung out with them, I came back at a loss. Ok, so they weren't the WS bunch; that much was to be expected. Ok, so they reminded me too much of a past I'd rather forget. But I think that what bothered me was that...I wasn't growing here. I was hardly "meeting new people"; that social group was like my safety net. And amazingly, I made an effort to get away from that.
The other day Katie said I should hook her and Cara up with guys I know here. I realized I didn't really know many guys here. I cracked up. For the first time in my life, the amount of girls I'm really good aquaintances with, even friends, far outweighs the number of guys I even know. And for the first time, I feel I show the different "sides" of my personality equally to everyone. Does this mean I'm more of a whole person? Maybe. I don't even really know why I'm reiterating all this on my blog, cause most of you all know all this. Maybe I wanted to sort it all out in my head, and in front of me. Ehhh, whatever, let me know what you think. I'll conclude with this:
"Did I tell you he won first place in that competition?"
"What, did he want a cookie?"
"No. But if he had, I wouldn't have given it; I was too grumpy. No cookies for him yet."

Yesterday was miserable. It began and ended miserably. So far today has begun the same, but I'm hoping that will change. Perhaps this tip will help me in the future: do not stay up agonizing past one when you have an 8 o clock class.

I feel grumbly. Very grumbly. But I'm trying to keep a positive outlook, so I went and took the quiz to see in order which Pride and Prejudice Characters I am most like:
# 1 Elizabeth Bennet
# 2 Jane Bennet
# 3 Mr. Bingley
# 4 Mr. Darcy
# 5 Charlotte Lucas
# 6 Lydia Bennet
# 7 Mr. Wickham
# 8 Mr. Collins
I'm happy with those results.
And the original Lethal Weapon is a great movie.

I SAW MR ROGERS TODAY!!!! He was walkin through the music building, and he's the uncle of my theory teacher, so he poked his head in and said hi. And yes, I AM talking about THE Mr. Rogers, as in Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. Everyone was so excited. ^_^ And I'm particularly glad, cause yknow, I've been having an odd sucky day and this just brightened it.
"It's such a good feeling to know you're alive
It's such a happy feeling, you're growing inside
And when you wake up, ready to say
'I think I'll have a snappy new day!'
It's such a good feeling
A very good feeling
The feeling you know
that I'll be back
When the day is new
And I'll have more ideas for you
And you'll have things you'll want to talk about
I will too."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MICHELLE!!!!!!!

Apparently I am living under a rock, and was the last person in the world to hear of this:
http://members.tripod.co.uk/realmofdarkness/images/scare.gif
If you haven't heard of this, just study the picture long enough, you will get it.
I almost had a heart attack.

Hmmm....today was an eventful day, to say the least...but I don't feel much like writing about it right now. Maybe later. Right now, all I want to do is curl up in my new big comfy sweater and go to sleep, and hopefully wake up much calmer and relaxed.

This whole telling myself to relax is working pretty well when I'm naturally in an ok mood, but it's a whole different thing when I'm naturally grumbly. Take today, for example. Nothing terrible happened today, I didn't think I was in a "bad" mood, but I get on the phone and it just didn't work right. I've been in a naturally belligerent mood since last night, and to be honest, I don't like it all. Especially since I have no reason to be like this. So, I think it may work all right this time, since I have an understanding boyfriend (for today :), but jeez, I'd really like to know how to be better at this whole thing, cause I'd like to not screw stuff up this time. Arrrghh.
What makes things even odder is that today I was just thinking how much I'm enjoying being back at college, and I still am, really. I got out of my classes at noon, and when I went to get lunch, it was like, "This is what the college experience is." The weather was beautiful, and the noon bells were going at the chapel, and I went into the post office and saw at least two people that I know. Then I went to the cafeteria, and it was bustling, people were talking, calling out to each other - even to me. :) When people come to visit me here, it's usually later in the day, and they don't get to see all this, and really, it's wonderful. I mean, it cracked me up today in theory class, when this girl turns to me and says, "Frisbee. 3 oclock. Be there." And when I protested that I wouldn't even probly be here then, she said, "Well, fine, but you are so going to get into frisbee. No excuses." It's the little things that are the best.

me: did you read my blog?
greg: yes
me: much mush?
greg: speaking english?
greg: I'm not a sled dog
And to think, I get to enjoy this humor all the time. :P
^_^ Good thing I like him.

Today I had very little classes, only two actually, so Michelle and I attempted to have an adventure. First step was getting Casey involved. :) We went to the Seminole Towne Center, yes, I know, not my favorite place, but my new favorite store is there, and let me tell you, getting off campus in general is an adventure. Going to Target the other day with Greg was an adventure. Anyways, let me tell you, just getting to the mall was an adventure, since we almost but not really got lost twice. :) Not that I'm teasing Casey at all *cough*, ok, moving on. :)
After the mall, I got to see the Unbreakable DVD, which I liked a whole lot, but then I *did* see the movie twice in the theater. Anyways, that was good, and then (woo hoo) we saw the second DVD of Moulin Rouge. Niiiice.
"But you won't fool the Children of the Revolution..."
I seem to remember some teacher, before graduation, saying that our generation, our class in particular, was different, was special. It would be nice to think that we, too, are some sort of revolutionary children, like those in the twenties, or sixties. But I suppose every generation has that sort of self-absorbedness, and everyone generally wants to feel special. I suppose only time will tell.
Interesting to note that after all these years, I don't think my basic taste in music has changed. Yes, I am more eclectic, but maybe not really; maybe I'm now more honest with myself. I've always liked certain bits of pop; I just previously limited myself to the scope of, say, the eighties. I like lots of bass, so it's natural I like some rap now. And I love this Diamond Dogs song by Beck, but really I can see elements that I found similarly attractive in Nine Inch Nails. Hmm, that's enough speculation there.
I've been working on my happy book today, and this is a quote in it that I particularly liked:
"When you find bliss, savor it."
I think that's sort of my New Year's motto. Hopefully I'll remember it.
The sheep comment on the side of the page was put there by my charming boyfriend. :) Seriously, though, I almost like it better this way. Not to use another quote from Moulin Rouge, since I usually am not a quote person anyway, but this pretty much sums up how I feel:
"Every day I love you more and more."

So I'm done with my first official day of MWF classes.
This whole Intro to Logic thing is kinda freaky. The professor basically said if you're a math major, the class will be a piece of cake, and if you're not, well, it probably won't. And apparently he's into randomly calling on people, and guess who was the first random person he called on? Sigh. I didn't gasp and choke or anything, but yeesh. The good thing is that every class I was in had at least one person I know. The bad thing is that the one person I knew in this particular class is Spencer, who was a major pain in my side all last semester in Contemporary Novel. The good thing out of this is that I found out he got a C- in that class. Mwahahaha.
Theory II started out pretty much the same way as it had last semester, except that at first they had to draw names to see who would be in the section II class, which has a different teacher. NONE of us wanted to leave Dr. Crozier, so it was waiting with bated breath, but luckily, my name wasn't called, and now the class is much smaller.
Aerobic dance looks to be...not as easy as weighttraining was, but fun, and it's all girls, so I won't be too self-conscious, except that there are some annoying girls from my hall in that class. Oh well.
Gender images in science fiction was probably the most entertaining class of the day, and it had a ton of Pinehurst people in it, including Kyle, the trek guy. The first book we're reading is the second book of the Foundation Trilogy, which I liked a lot, but it'll be odd reading the second book separate from the others; the copy I had was one big book that had all three. All in all, I liked all of my professors, and the day wasn't too terribly taxing. Course, wait till Orchestra starts, but no matter.
Last night I finally found video of most of the Celebrity Jeopardys with Sean Connery, and me and Michelle (that would be my roommate, for you uninformed people) watched them and cracked up. However, all laughing aside, I am in mourning for Alan's comp and his blog, which I was enjoying reading. Hmmmm...any other stuff I need to say...I suppose not. I'm off to Target with Greg, and maybe I will finally get some Checkers that he owes me after subjecting me to his mother. More later!

"She's just a cosmic girl...From another galaxy"
I've decided the Center Stage soundtrack is by far the girliest in my collection, even more so than the original Savage Garden.
Also, I love Jamiroquai. Must, must find more soon.

"I believe you were expecting me."
Music of the Moment: Moulin Rouge soundtrack
Roomie and I have decided we absolutely must see Moulin Rouge again. Listening to the music is just bringing so much back. I cannot wait! No matter what Saul says. :P
Tonight I ate dinner with Roomie, Emily, and Becky, and we essentially talked about movies the whole time - apparently we're all junkies in that area. That and random gossip about music people. I'm putting out a disclaimer now: if I ever get engaged, I don't want to get proposed to without a ring. I'd rather wait until a ring could be afforded and then get proposed to. That's what essentially happened to a girl in orchestra. Also, my general consensus is that white gold and platinum are good. :) And who would want to have a wedding in the middle of college anyways?! It was decided by us powerful girls that a proposal at the end of junior year is ok, since you have to plan a wedding for a year anyways, but the wedding definitely has to occur after graduation. Ok, that's my (and 4 other girls') opinion on that matter.
If anyone can find a profile on someone named Deppgrrl, I'd be quite interested.
Apparently the song Children of the Revolution was used in the film Billy Elliot. Odd.
I once had a conversation with a girl who had done something relatively new with her boyfriend and freaked out about it afterwards. I told her at the time not to worry, that any step in a relationship can be unfamiliar and freaky at first. I later thought about what I'd said, and changed my mind. If you trust someone implicitly, there might be nervousness, whether it's saying the big three words or kissing or beyond, but you should never feel wrong or freaked out. Somehow, everything feels right. And the other person feels if it's not. I guess, for me, that's the definition of total trust: baring your soul, your heart, everything, and knowing it will always feel right, that the other person will always understand, flaws and all. Is that trust, or love? Or is it interchangable? I suppose love would contain that trust and also have the components of physical attraction, elements in common, etc.
"His eyes upon your face, his hand upon your hand" - Jealousy is a terrible thing. I feel sick every time I watch that part of the movie.
Interesting how in so many ways I didn't learn how to make myself happy until I was 17. And every day, I'm still discovering. I don't know if prior to that I'd ever been around anyone who actively told me to make myself happy, but it was more than just that. Who knows, maybe it's part of growing up. At any rate, I've learned, among other things, that it's ok to sappily watch a romance movie with moony eyes, and that for some reason, it makes me incredibly warm and fuzzy. So do cookies. :)
The best quotes are the ones you don't want to share.

Ok, so, I'm back here in what is pretty much my "home" more so than anything else, and I'm done with my classes for the day (woo!). I got in on Sat morning, and did some shopping on Saturday, got to see "the boys" at band practice on Sunday, got to see a very sick Katie Sun night, and spent yesterday essentially with Greg, which was wonderful, and then last night was spent unpacking my ten million articles of clothing. But I'm pretty much settled now, thankfully, and I may even have time to start the new book that Greg lent me. :) It's so nice to be home. Not just the warmth, or the fact that I'm now removed from much of the stress of my huge family, but just...I like it here. It's part of me. I look at my surroundings, and it's full of stuff that is mine, and I'm sleeping in my own bed, not a foldout couch, and there's Checkers here and Gleason's Grille and the Altamonte Mall and Disney and familiarity and friends and, well, Greg helps. :) So, hmmm, I'm just glad to be back, I suppose.
Music of the Literal Moment: the Harry Potter soundtrack.
Yesterday at Greg's I saw the movie Shakespeare in Love. I'd, unbelievably, never seen it before, except for the first 15 minutes or so in Dr. Warner's class my junior year. I cannot believe I've been living under a rock and had not seen this absolutely wonderful movie. It made me feel like such a...girl, watching it, and sighing at the romance. Of course, the rest of the time I was cracking up - I didn't realize it had so much comedy - and that was great too. If I ever get a DVD player, that is definitely a must-have...and maybe I'll get the video in the meantime.
I got a lava lamp for Christmas. It fits perfectly in my dorm room, and perhaps I'm easily amused, but I have great fun watching it.
Classes began today, and they're alright, I suppose. I have the History of Jazz, which looks to be promising, and the professor is great, but I still want to take the History of Rock and Roll next semester by the same guy. Luckily, we just got to sign up for times for music lab, which is sightsinging and keyboarding. And we had to draw times for Music at Midday. Mine is April 18, so I can start stressing now. I also allowed myself to be suckered into being in Brass Ensemble for another semester. I'm such a wimp. I'm done with class for the day, but I have Choir later. Yuck.
I had much fun yesterday. I think my admonition to myself to relax seems to be helping in the relationship department - I didn't even get too upset when Greg sent me home with his mother. :P Regardless, I felt like I was falling in love all over again.
I got the Moulin Rouge soundtrack! The only bad aspect of that is that it doesn't include the cover of Queen's "The Show Must Go On." Still, I'm happy. And now I have a Moulin Rouge desktop theme - and I'm not obsessed at all. :)
I have a date to go see Beauty and the Beast at IMAX. Can we say, "excitement"?

Hey, everyone; I still have no idea when I'll be coming home, due to some illnesses, a fire, and other stuff. Don't worry, that isn't as bad as it sounds! But regardless, I cannot wait to come home, though it has been nice spending time with some of my family. Maybe around the 11th? Who knows. Ok, New Year's resolution: well, hmm. I've never been too keen on those, since I suck at keeping them. But here's some goals for the next year, at least: *Losing the 5 or so pounds I've put on this month. But given that I've done absolutely nothing here but make cookies and that won't be the case in Florida, that shouldn't be much of a problem. *Learn to take time out for me and discover myself. I'm pretty much convinced that the reason why I suck at relationships is that I've been in some kind or another constantly since I was 12. Therefore, I've never learned truly how to make me happy. I think I've been finally learning these past few months, and I want to keep that up; and at the same time, appreciate more fully those that I love and value. This also includes eradicating crap that won't go away. I've let old problems linger too long; I'm done with it, all of it. I finally believe that it isn't selfish of me to want to be happy. Hopefully, it isn't too late to correct my emotionally stunted growth. :) But I do believe I might finally be ready. *Be more honest and less worried about reaction. If I miss someone, I'm gonna tell them. If I don't feel like talking to someone, I'm gonna block them. What do I honestly want right now? A big hug. *Enjoy things more, and relax. I've always been so uptight about looking stupid about things, and thus I've missed out. So yknow what? It snowed today, finally, and I ran out in jeans and a shirt, just so I could get snowflakes on my clothes. Be prepared for much more of such stupidity. I don't care. *Stand up straight. This may be a lost cause, but one that must be attacked, so if y'all see me slouching, punch me or something. :)
I've found baking cookies to be truly cathartic, and somehow I eat less of them when I make them. I must find a way to continue this back home. And I've gotten pretty freaking good at it too. So if anyone wants to invite me to go make chocolate chip cookies...I'm game. :)
I have practically no one's email address, and I'm missing out on all the gossip! So, for example, if Jackie reads this, she'd better email me, and everyone else too.
It is 27 degrees here. The other night it was 8. Just thought I'd mention that for all of you who say you're cold down there. :P
What do you get when you cross a pit bull and a collie? A dog that bites your arm off and then runs to get help.
Ok, that's all for now. Talk to yall later.
-jill