Well, it's been an interesting weekend, so far. Actually, well, not per se, there's not all that much to talk about; I suppose that's what made it interesting. Ok, let me start at the beginning.
Wednesday was an incredibly odd day - I got most of my midterm stuff done, but still had one to go, but wound up spending my afternoon shopping with Jackie and the evening hanging out with TJ and Drew. Drew seemed to hit it off with Michelle big time, cause it turns out there's a 6 Degrees of Roomies - Drew's roomie Roberson went to school with Michelle, so they talked about him for quite awhile, and we even got to see embarrassing baby pics of him (awwwww...:). They were going to come back later that night with Denny, but I had a midterm at 8 the next morning and was doped up on Nyquil, so as luck would have it, when they called later, I told em not to come. No matter, cause the next night was equally jam-packed, well, actually more so. Spent the afternoon shopping with Michelle, Katie, Cara, Ali, and Jen, and then in the evening headed of to XS Orlando with Greg and Casey, where we wound up meeting up with Denny, TJ, Drew, Jackie, Jeff, Ming, and any other people I'm forgetting. So we stayed there til it closed at midnight, and then headed off to Ming's to play cards, or, in my case, watch in a sleepy daze. I didn't get home til 3 and I had a ten o clock class the next morning. :P But luckily it was my only class, so I dragged myself out of bed, went to class, came home and changed back into my pajamas and crawled back into that bed. And essentially that's been the rest of my weekend. I've gone out a little, but I don't think I've spent such an extended amount of time just relaxing; it's wholly foreign to me.
And so is something else. Everyone who even barely knows me knows that I'm always talking, that verbalizing is extremely important to me. So then lately, I've realized that it seems that when I'm truly happy, content, just feeling full of good loving feelings...I don't talk. I just sit there and bask, I suppose, in feeling happy.
And then the sheer panic comes. Panic, I suppose, because I'm terribly superstitious and insecure and messed up, and in the back of my mind, always, I just know that you can't really be happy, something bad has to happen to follow up. Stupid, yes, but something that's plagued me for at least three years.
So in the car tonight, I didn't speak for most of the ride because I was full of happy contentness. And then the panic came, for the second time in one night. And I forced it back, didn't give my fears a voice. I turned instead, and said simply:
"I'm really happy."
And he said, "Good."
And that was that.
I must learn to do this more.
I must be in a mellow, romantic mood tonight. It began because I heard an extremely relaxing CD in the car - Radiohead, I think, though I don't know how to spell the title. Then I watched the end of Sleepless in Seattle. Now I'm watching the beginning of A League of Their Own, and I just know I'll cry later.
Still, though, I think I'm beginning to gear up for Monday. I must pack tomorrow, and get a camera, and...oh, this needs sleep.
