I have no idea if this is even read anymore, but oh well; it's 1 something in the morning, I'm sick, and can't sleep.
I've been off/on grumpy all day. Maybe it's cause of me not feeling well. I was feeling icky yesterday, and today Melissa kept saying, "Are you alright? You look sick." I was fine, until later tonight, and then I did not feel well at all. I have a small fever, one that Greg would probably call nonexistent (how endearing :P) and I feel funny-ish and, well, sick. I think Stacey gave it to me. Grrrr.
My room is taking on a decidedly Asian feel, Japanese in particular. It's not new stuff; I was just pulling out some of my old anime wallscrolls and lights and thing and that's what's come out. I still say I need a Domo-Kun. But I'm trying to avoid a "theme"; whatever's comfortable. I'll be themed enough when I start college again.
I actually posted on message boards tonight out of boredom. Now I'm not sure if that was wise. I imagine I'll get kicked for that soon.
My sister and I were poking through a thrift shop today and ran across a copy of the book Peyton Place. Arrrrrrrrghh, run! My sister says we'll have bought it by the end of the summer.
It's occurred to me that I've been too shy, all my life. Not shy in the talking to people way; shy in that other little kids would do stuff for attention, whereas I stopped doing stuff if I noticed it brought me attention. I would stop singing in our Karaoke machine when I realized people were listening and smiling in that "oh, how cute" way (this was in Michigan); I would play with Barbie dolls, but all the talking was done in my head lest someone heard me. For years I wouldn't dance in front of other people, aside from in the headbanger's circles. Aside from a few instances in my Drama class, most of my acting was much too inhibited. I helped Axel get Drum Major rather than try myself. And I downplayed any references to intelligence. I never wanted to look stupid, silly, proud, conceited, goofy. And in fact I think it's making me crave that notoriety now.
I'm tired of this.
I realize I have made improvements in relaxing. In being myself, though I may reveal more to some than others. But reading that stupid Colorgenics thing, made me realize that I shouldn't worry about being special. Right now, at least, I know some people think I'm special, flaws and goofiness and space cadet-ness and all. So I should just keep being myself, even if that is slightly spaced at times, or irrational at others, or deeply caring even when I think it's unappreciated. I'm learning that maybe everything isn't overlooked, and I should just stay me, through whatever crazy evolutions I go through.
I do believe my ranting has made myself sleepy. I can't imagine what it did for any readers. Oops.
Night - I'm sure I'll hate what I wrote in the morning.

I took this Colorgenics quiz, where it constructs a profile based on the order of colors you choose. I'll find the URL later, but here's what it came up with for me:
You are constantly trying to make a favourable impression and endeavouring to be considered as that someone 'special'. You are pretty good at using various tactics and strategies that give the impression that you are in control. Maybe you are - but you are constantly watching to see whether or not your endeavours are truly appreciated. Be careful... just as 'you' may be endeavouring to influence others, 'they' may indeed be influencing you.

Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.

Although you are, deep down, a very caring person, you are very particular in the choice of friends and indeed very demanding at times. You can be most quarrelsome and controversial and it is because of this argumentative trait you can at times explode into open conflict - conflict with even those you may care for and love. It is because of this inherent argumentative streak in you that may have resulted in broken hopes and dreams.

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You vehemently resist any form of pressure from outside sources, insisting on your independence as an individual. You want to be a decision maker - to make up your own mind without interference. You wish to be able to draw your own conclusions and arrive at your own decisions. You detest uniformity and mediocrity as you want to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions. Your favourite expression could well be that 'I may not always be right but I am never wrong'. You're a perfectionist and even though you may feel that the other person's point of view may be right, you find it extremely difficult to admit that you could be wrong.

You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.

Trying to cope with conditions which you think are beyond your capabilities has led to considerable anxiety and stress. You now feel that you are not capable of coping with this situation and indeed any situation which could arise from what you consider to be your personal inadequacy.

Sigh. '<

I'm getting tired of the way my blog looks. The color scheme bugs me. I may be calling (begging) upon the generous sometime soon for help and ideas...
Now with the real writing, I suppose. Well, I've been up here for a few weeks now, interrupted for a week when I was in Omaha. I didn't win any money :( but I did get some cool clothes and this really neat, blinky, pink Fossil watch. And a new rose quartz necklace. Can't have enough of that.
My home is...in the middle of nowhere. Honestly. We have satellite cause cable doesn't come out this far. Katie couldn't find directions to my house on any mapquest-type thing cause my street isn't close enough to a road. Sigh. There are a million kinds of animals within ten minutes of the house, including horses, cows, mules, roosters, geese, and the assortment of cats and dogs. At night, the woods around us make strange noises. You can see the stars really well, and this may be a silly thrill, but tonight there was a firefly on the door to the back porch, blinking his little alien-green light at me. Pretty neat.
My room is in the basement, as are two other bedrooms and a family room, so it's not like a creepy kind of basement. It's alright; there are no windows, which is cool at night and sucks in the morning, and the storm shelter hallway is in my closet, which is also cool. I have a bed, a nightstand, and a teeny bookshelf, but that's it, pretty much. Oh, and my TV stand. No actual dressers or desks or anything yet, so unpacking is going verrrrry slooooowly. I have my tube lights up though. ^_^
Plans are starting to be made for the fourth, and it's not even June yet. But it's almost June. I think I can handle this this year. I think it'll be okay.
One thing I have missed is my mom. I was thinking about it today, and she's a cool mom. When we were thirteen, a cool mom was something like Bonnie's mom, who listened to Kiss and Ozzy and drove a Thunderbird, or Shanna's mom, who listened to Motley Crue. The cool dads were the ones who took us to rock concerts. When you get older, though, you realize those were the adults who...acted like kids. Usually had issues. And then I think about my mom, who impressed me with certain death if I did anything bad, but who bought me a black vinyl skirt when I was fifteen. Who put up with my weird clothing choices, knowing full well that it was a phase, but something I needed to do. Who got me into the X-Files, Buffy, the Gilmore Girls, and Roswell. Who would drive five guys home after my play practice, driving all over town. Who piled nine people into the 5-person car to go to Checkers, and who always tried to keep my family out of the way during my parties, which, let's face it, is what teenagers want. Who bought me the Downward Spiral and Broken. Even now, she's up-to-date on what's happening in my life without trying to do the best friend thing, and loves The Osbournes as much as I do. I'm a lot more like my mom than I would have guessed, and I'm pretty glad about that.
The Barbie doll thing turned out to be an art project on body image. A few days later, the dolls were taken down and replaced with hanging cards, with facts about stuff such as breast implants, and the fact that models make up 2% of the population; the average woman is 5'4 and weighs 140 lbs, whereas the avg model is 5'8 and weighs 104 lbs. Scary. Pictures were taken of the gazebo and stuff and later compiled onto this poster board. Pretty effective.
I have MTV2 and the BBC! Woo! And Center Stage was on today, which always makes me happy.
Now I'm starting to get tired, and I want to read before sleep. That was the plan last night, but I wound up watching Peyton Place til 3 in the morning. That's 4 in the morning to my body. Sigh. That movie is like a soap opera for the 50's; there's suicide, murder, incest, rape, a trial, a few love triangles, domestic violence, WWII, and more. Today AMC showed Return to Peyton Place, but I put my foot down. :)
Ok! Sleep! Now!

Dum, da Dum!!! My first blog post in Tennessee. What a trial it's been. I just...now...got TV. Satellite. I live in the middle of nowhere. It takes an hour to get milk. But I'll be ok. :)
I have soooo much to talk about, including the Barbie dolls :), and Ouija boards, and monkeys, and more, but right now I'm tired, and a certain person that I haven't talked to in awhile is driving me to distraction. So, more later!

And here I am, writing my last blog post from this dorm room. And if it weren't two in the morning and I have to check out by 11:30, I could write a more introspective entry, but that just might have to wait til I'm in Tennessee. If I have the Internet there. :P I've said goodbye to a lot of people today, and I saw Greg probably for the last time, at least for most of the summer. Strange, I've been moping over all this stuff for a few weeks, and now that I finally have to leave, I'm just sort of going through each day, worrying whether I'll cram everything into the car. And this summer will hopefully be fine, and I'm a big worrier, and a silly one at that. And who knows what will happen with the whole 4th thing.
I cannot believe how much has changed in the past year; I hardly feel like the same person, and yet I feel more like me than I ever have. I think I let a lot more people into my head now, show them the real me, or as real as anyone can possibly be. I used to think it was cool to have one persona you showed the world, and another one that was only known to yourself. Now I think the line between the public Jill and the private one (at least to those close to me) is more blurred than ever. I've learned that I can survive in a school essentially on my own - and that it's much nicer and less lonely when you have a wonderful roommate. I've learned I can tackle the scary awful classes and do well. I've learned that first impressions are nothing - and everything. And Chik-Fil-A day is a wonderful thing. And taking naps can actually be fun. And...oh, the very mention of sleep is making my eyelids droop. Sigh. Talk to you all from Tennessee.

Woo woo woo!
I am DONE with finals. That's soooooo scary...
And the grades are beginning to be posted online! And, unbelievably, the first grade to be posted was the one that I took the final for today: Gender Images in Science Fiction. And I got an A. Woohoo! The slaving wasn't all for nought. Oh, and I passed my P.E. class. woohoo.
I watched the second-to-last Roswell episode tonight, and ohhhhh myyyy goooosh. Yeesh. Scary stuff. And it's ending. :(
And now, though I would like to blog more, I have to pack and we need to defrost the fridge. :P

The countdown continues...
So far, I have had 1 jury, 4 finals, 1 project, and 2 essays. I'm about to start another final in a few hours. And then I will have...only one final to go. Whew.
Music of the Moment - Aaron Copland - Rodeo

Wow.
Many, many things have happened in this past hectic week. Hmm....
On Monday, I didn't have horn ensemble, so Sarah invited me to go hang out in the Cove. We had just signed up for next year's rooms earlier that day, and we all got the rooms we wanted. :) Therefore, we were pretty happy. Michelle had left to walk her friend Jenn out to her car when I got a call from Sarah; she suggested I head over there then, and she would call Michelle's cell and have her meet us over there. I started to head out...but then I had to change cause it was hot out. And put up my hair. And get my waterbottle. And talk to Greg. But I finally made it over there. I was explaining to Sarah what had taken so long when we walked through the door to the pod...and I realized it was dark. And smelled like candles. And there was Michelle, Jenn, Sarah, and Margo, saying, "Surprise!"
Turns out they had thrown me a surprise early birthday party, since I wouldn't be in the state when my real birthday came around. Of course, due to my slowpokeness, the candles were almost toally burned down. :) But I got a cookie cake, and it was adorable, and I got a Belle pillow, and I was so happy I almost cried. And of course the whole thing was masterminded by the Mischevious Michelle. ^_^ After the party, she told me, "You know you almost ruined the plans a bunch of times." I said, "I'm so dense." She replied, "Yeah, that helped." Sigh.
Tuesday I hung out with Katie, which was very fun, and I got to go swimming (woo!). Wednesday was the big scary jury, which surprisingly went very well. And afterwards, I went to Panera Bread for the first time, and though I am not usually a bagel person, I am now very much a fan of the whole Cinnamon Crunch bagel thing. Again, credit goes to Michelle for showing me the light. :) Hmm, also on Wednesday I got to go to a two-hour long logic review. Not so fun, but I took the final at 8 AM Thurs. morning, and I think I actually did alright. Here's hoping. And then on Thursday I also got to get my sightsinging and keyboarding exams out of the way, and those went well too. The rest of the day was devoted to packing and writing my Jazz project, which was due today.
And then today.
I had the jazz final at 2, so at about 11 I headed to Margo's to study til the final. We studied everything. We even went over old tests. It was practically the most studying I'd ever done. We quizzed each other, and listened to the CD that we would have a listening test on at random so we couldn't predict what songs would be on next.
That's when the discrepancy came.
We thought a song was swing, but the paper said it was BeBop. It sure didn't sound like BeBop, and everyone in the pod agreed with us. We could identify the song, but weren't sure if the style was deceptive or a misprint, since there were other random typos on the sheet. So we figured, no problem, we'll get to the music building early and double-check with Chuck, the professor.
Well, he was an utter jerk. He's always been kind of condescending, but this took the cake. "Ladies, are you music majors? Really?" During the test, he directly referenced the artist as a dig at us, and when I glanced up, he said, "Mrroww." Then it was discovered the test didn't follow the format the review said it would, asked specific essay questions when the review stated it would be general true/false, and just, arggh. So I went to return the book and CD's afterward, only to find out that since they're getting a new edition next year, the ninety dollar book is now worthless, and I don't get any money. Aarrrrggghhh.
I've been trying to calm myself down, but really I was so intensely angry. I do not like getting talked down to. Sigh. Well, only two essays and two finals to go. The countdown has begun.