Well, I've ranted at everyone I could tonight...and one won't even know until she reads her email, mwahahaha.
I'm working things out in my head a little, and I feel kind of better. In general, however, I would like to state that This Sucks.
This time the problem is entirely my own - and I would like to acknowledge the honor with which a certain person has acted. You're not a bad friend after all. :]
I felt kinda better after getting distracted by the rantings of this conspiracy guy on some random web page. There are scary people out there. My problems are not so terrible.
I think George deserves to get hugged tonight - despite everything, I still hurt.

Anyone who knows me knows I am eternally romantic, and generally an optimist. Of course there's someone for everyone. Of course there's love. Of course everything works out in the end. And so on, and so forth. Something that's been bothering me lately is that, well, I just can't make myself believe that anymore. I do believe I have experienced love; I just don't think I could let myself feel quite as uninhibited again so as to experience it the same way. At yet at the same time...I feel I was far too inhibited originally, and didn't have as much fun with love as I should have. Too nervous all the time. And now, when I feel I could appreciate things better, well, oh well. Regardless, I don't like this, this feeling cynical. I was the Charlotte; I wanted that special someone. It doesn't seem like love has any place in college. Maybe I would make more sense talking to a person, but everyone's gone, so I have to muddle my way through my thoughts on my own.
Had a terrible mishap with a frozen valve today. Freaked me out something fierce, but it looks like it may work out alright. I should practice piano sometime, though; when I get back I'll get killed if I don't.
Wish I could be at the big birthday party, but I'll be living it up in TN, don'tcha know. :P
Oh, and Katie: I don't have the email you mentioned. :( Try sending again.
Well, if my rantings are a little goofy or incoherent, I have a viable reason: though I've been saying I've been sick, with a cold, for awhile now, I woke up today feeling much worse, with weird symptoms, and now that includes a genuine fever. At least I'm not totally a hypochondriac, as I feared. :] So, blame this all on the workings of a feverish mind. :)

Michelle and Jen and everyone have sent me surveys, and I kept meaning to fill them out, and tonight, when I went to...
All my old mail had been lost. :(
I'm quite miffed, and if anyone wants to send me one of those, go right ahead.
I've had some cold or something for over a week and a half now, and I don't seem to be getting better...tonight I am dizzy on top of things. Get me back to the familiar subtropical diseases! This is driving me crazy. I don't think you're supposed to take Benadryl for this many days.
I think what I really need is rest. Julian left last night, but then I stayed up really late, and did stuff all day, and next weekend, or maybe it's the weekend after, I take another trip, and Lee's coming, and then before you know it I'll be back in Florida. Somewhere in there I have to get well.
I was at Best Buy today and got depressed at all the stuff I can't buy right now, either for lack of money, or lack of DVD player, or both. Red Violin DVD, soundtrack...NIN DVD, and super double CD thing...Shakespeare in Love...the many John Williams soundtracks I simply must have...Run Lola Run...the list goes on and on. And The Osbournes CD. :) Stacey has it and it's too cute, and I actually can listen to the entire CD.
I still say most everyone should see My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I've just now started seeing advertisements on TV for it (sure, now that it's leaving theaters) and I've been reminded of how wonderful it was.
A really cute show has just started: Monk, on USA. If you like simple mysteries that, yes, you can figure out before the people sometimes, but at least make you think instead of watch, and have ever been around any obsesssive-compulsive person (cough, like anyone's little sister) it's especially enjoyable. And if you haven't been around a person with OCD: no, that show is not exaggerating all that much. Sigh.
I got a new comforter. Red, with moons and stars. Fitting for me, though I do still love my sheep, and they'll stay on my bed at home. Which reminds me: Michelle, did you say you have a similar comforter? I'm wondering now if we've made one of our classic shopping-at-the-same-place situations, since some of our other matching stuff was bought at this same place...It will be hilarious if we bought the same bedspread, but in different colors. Like the lamps. Sigh. :)
I noticed in Toys R Us that Playstation 2 has an Ecco game. This wouldn't be big news to anyone who didn't know me when I was ten, but when I had my Game Gear I was obsessed with Ecco, had Ecco and Ecco Tides of Time, and also Tides of Time for Genesis. And now it's on PS2! I have more of a reason to drool. Also, this Frequency game looked kinda cool, and it's making me wonder: did I ever play the demo for it, or a similar game? Maybe with Greg? With shooting little things and making music come. That's what the back looked like. Well, it looked neat regardless.
I have been gobbling up books this summer. I think I had slowed down in college, but I'm back to a book every 1 1/2 days, when I have time to read. I think I won't bring much books with me this year, but instead become a library-goer. Much cheaper, and I won't be as picky about books, since I won't be spending cash on them. Which reminds me, I was going to read Catch-22 once and for all, but I've misplaced it. Must find.
My sister bought the Rock n Roll High School DVD. I now have The Ramones going through my head over...and over...and over...argh.

JEN! THIS POST'S FOR YOU!
jen: go see My Big Fat Greek Wedding with Katie. NOW. Even though you aren't big, fat, or probably even Greek, and neither am I or Katie, we should all see that movie. Tom Hanks produced it under his That Thing You Do label. And there's a Wonders song snuck in. And only I, The Biggest Music Geek, caught it in the theaters.
More proof of my geekiness: Did you know Jurassic Park III was not conducted by John Williams or use the same orchestra? I did, cause in the movie the music didn't sound as quality, even though some of the themes were the same. The real question, though, is whether the lack of quality is the composer or the orchestra. I'm guessing a little bit of both, in the big word Interpretation.

I feel yucky. :(
I have a cold, possibly compliments of the darling nephew, possibly due to Vanderbilt Medical. I awoke this morning after far, far too little sleep at 7:30 to help out my family at vacation Bible school. It got over at noon, and I was planning on going home to bed, but my dad wanted to take my mom and I out to lunch. Charming plan, except 10 minutes before I'd taken Benadryl. By the time I got to the resturaunt I was yawning up a storm, could barely hold a roll to butter it. Slept all the way home, and an additional two hours after. I was ok tonight, until my cold got worse, and I decided to take more medicine rather than wake up the baby with my sneezing. Plus, better to be incoherent than grumpy. So it's been about 10 minutes. Countdown to incoherency has begun.
I don't know if Mike's plan is feasible, but he's welcome to give it a shot. I like people.
Sex and the City started last night. I still like Charlotte the best...she's a lady too. Mostly. Which reminds me, the Sopranos starts soon too. Must stock up on tapes.
This seems very funny to me right now: because of filming being pushed back over and over, Meadow will now be in the same grade as me. When the show began, she was a year older. Ha. She's Cinderella, yknow. And Sarah Jessica Parker was Annie. Her haircut is kind of reminiscent of those days.
I'm stupid. I got a stomachache over a German girl.
If I went to London to live, I'd have to get a new TV and DVD player and new DVDs, and I'd have to pay a tax for TV and radio, and Stormy would have to go into quarantine for six months. And I'd have to live in a flat. But I could call it a flat and not feel stupid. And I could be near the London Symphony Orchestra. Maybe play there. Ha ha. And Changing Rooms, I could watch it there and feel authentic. And there's hedgehogs. I'll have to consider.
My throat is numb. And if we spelled that word, numb, like it sounds, num, it would be a lot cuter.
Time for bed.

I got kissed by a very cute boy today.
My nineteen-month-old nephew.
C'mon, you know you're jealous...sigh, I know, of me.
Yet another pipe burst tonight. We have water; it's just not hot. Tomorrow should be fun. :P
Casey, I will give you a big long response to what you posted when I'm conscious and showered.
Katie, I will email you when....same as above. And I got your package and THANK YOU!
Michelle...same. But read the comment I left you.
Mike, thanks for trying, but I'm still not holding my breath. :)
Jacob, email me cause our paths and schedules never cross.
Josh, you go girl!
Jackie, figure out how to pronounce that roommate's name.
Saul, good luck with that chick!
Greg, you're right in that comment you left, you've been a gentleman...and I don't suppose you want to give me some NIN stuff? :)

I'm not even going to get into it anymore. I'm too tired for middle school crap and picking apart each other's statements - it's back to the petty, yet relevant, and happy, stuff for me.
I cut little Marie's hair. I really did. But it was totally nervewracking, and that won't happen again.
I am reserved...

Rar.
Some people are just a little slow on the uptake.
I remember a time, long ago, in the eighth grade, when a certain notebook existed, and two certain people got into a very long-winded and pseudo-sophisticated "civilized" argument through that book. I thought it was stupid at the time, and I am so, so reminded of that now. Sad that I have to drop myself to this level, but that's what has to happen when you're a few states away and keep odd hours.
I had a feeling that last post might be read.
As anyone who, well, knows me at all might already know, I tend to vent. I'm not into making formal debates, not anymore; most of that energy is spent on topics I actually care about, the ones that don't get written about on here. Unless I'm catching up people on what's pertinent in my life, this is usually reserved for the petty issues. How fitting. At any rate, when I made that last post I was not about to get into a formal argument. But seeing as I've been antagonized...
No, wait. Don't flatter yourself.
I will, however, address a few issues that bug me.
I was called, a very, well, misspelled version of a word that I as a lady by my own admission, will not repeat. But yet I never stated that any reference to any female must be directed at me. Like I said, I'm not stupid, and I do know when I am being directly referenced. I'm sure other females have...presented problems to you since me. But certain references are blatant.
Unfortunetely, some people zero in on the obscure instead. Granted, there does lie a root to all my problems in relationships perhaps, but relationships are not that important that they make up all the 'demons' in my life. And even in the realm of relationships, there are many more factors than one. As you well know.
As for the 'milady' thing - that just annoyed me. Too reminiscent of Nathan. Sorry, it is.
I told Jacob weeks ago to tell you not to IM me. Apparently it wasn't clear. And yes, other friends have been messaging me, not two days after the incident with Jacob. Sorry if I am a bit wary of coincidence.
Spell-checkers can be great friends. I don't mind editing for context, but I grew tired of correcting errors years ago.
My patience has worn, and believe me, there is a great deal more that I wouldn't mind saying, but other people read this, and to some, I am a lady, and I would spare them the time. Funny; I've never sworn so much as in the presence of two people, even though I'm surrounded by people who could give Ozzy a run for money. Go figure.
Actually, I've had a rather good night, so I will stop short of being really harsh. For now.

Lee left today. There was no end to his tormenting, and I got called "bitch" more times in the past week than I have in my whole life. In fact, I can only think of one or two times I have ever been called that. Either I'm just sweet and adorable or I have really selective memory. At any rate, I know he was just doing it cause Doug does, and it's ok. And he was nice, and if he really hated me he wouldn't have followed me around from the moment I woke up to when I had to tell him, "I'm going to sleep." And Marie and Doug and I think everyone misses him some. But...it's nice to watch Changing Rooms without getting made fun of every single minute. :) If he really lives here next year, I'm going to have to learn to hit harder. Again, I'm just too nice. :P
I haven't really put my room back together since everyone left, since I've had no time. Looks like tomorrow will be a day of sleep and cleaning. I know, my life is so interesting. But at least having some people visit puts things into perspective; now others have seen just how nuts my family can get. And I don't feel so crazy. We're going to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding tomorrow night. I've heard it's just like my family, even though we're not Greek. The current Thanksgiving count stands at twenty. And yes, everyone coming is related in some way, no boyfriends this time so far. Scary, no?
I miss Krista. She's the sister I see the least of lately, so maybe I miss her by default. And Jim, her husband, is the kind of brother I'm used to - mildly interested in talking to me, we have some interesting conversations, and then he goes away. Very low-stress. And Julian the Baby is, of course, adorable. Also probably cause I don't see him much. But Krista will be coming up in the next week or so for a follow-up on her toe surgery, and there will be much gossiping. And we're all going to actually visit the infamous Greenville later this summer. Should be interesting.
I also miss the mall. The ability to leave the house and see something interesting for very little money. The ability to have more than fifteen stores in one place. The ability to NOT HEAR COUNTRY.
I've said about half of what I want to to some people. I'm tired of thinking about how I used to act. I'm tired of being reminded. I've said that when I get back I need to concentrate on settling in, first and foremost, before I go hang out or anything. I'm also thinking about exoricising some old demons while I'm at it. Like I told Katie, when it comes to some people, I've reached a breaking point. I've been scared and annoyed for far too long.
Which reminds me. Just to get out to the public, I am NOT anyone's "lady." Not my lady, 'milady', your lady, or Grover's lady. And while I'm at it, I'm not stupid, and I know when I'm being referenced, and I seriously hope half the crap that is spouted is a joke. And having friends message me as well? I thought I left Lakeview years ago.

Katie made a cute, cute little page about the Tennessee trip: http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/westillbelieve/tennessee.html
Since she still doesn't have comments, you can talk about it to me. :) I miss them all like crazy already, even Matt. :) And now the second half of the summer is really going to drag. I miss everything Florida, and I very much need to talk to my roomie.
Lee showed me a site that's really funny, but I can't remember it, and he's asleep on the couch, so I had better post it later. I'm tired now.
And I'm tired of wondering what the right course of action is. Too many questions, too many bad dreams, too much wanting, too much ranting.
Too little sleep.