Okies, let's try for a semi-conscious update, even though I can already feel myself fading fast for the night.

Was reading some people's blog archives earlier today. I don't think mine work, actually, which is kind of a shame, cause I'd like to see what I used to think (not that I can't remember, but you know). Anyway, an example of this is Annie's. I can't think of anyone else who's experienced such radical changes since we graduated, on that kind of change-of-scenery scale, you know? But then I was thinking about college in general, and how we all are different now. Maybe it was seeing Jen (and KATIE, KATIE, KATIE) that started me thinking this way. Actually, I know what got me thinking this way, but eh. Anyway, here are my general thoughts.

College is supposed to be a time of self-discovery, and for most of us, it has been. I think one of the best things I could have done was go to Rollins, cause really, I was the only person from our grade to go here in the A&S division. Thus, no one knew me, and I had to create my own reputation. But here's the cool part: I didn't worry about my reputation, really. I was too busy trying to adjust and meet people, etc. And in the meantime, people got to see me as me. I remember I used to be jealous of people like Brittany, people who had that "smart" thing going on. Now, I do, for the most part, but it isn't even really as important to me anymore, which is amusing. The first year was hard, as it was for most people, but I was starting fresh.

The second year I did the socializing thing. I had friends, and then I got to enjoy them. I also did the kind-of-dating thing, which was fun, albeit kind of empty. And the staying-up-til-all-hours-every-night thing, which led to lots of colds and sickness. Basically, in my first two years, I learned what I don't want, and I've decided, one of the things I don't want is to be fake. I don't need to be Ms. Pinehurst or Ms. College Gal or Ms. Cute, cause I already have an identity that I don't have to paint out for other people. And I've learned that sometimes, people do notice without one having to be blatant. Simply by being myself - not going extremely out of my way to be Ms. Sociable - I have made quite a few good aquaintances, if not friends, this year. The night of the Halloween party was awesome, not in the party itself, but the fun of getting ready for it. It reminded me of the plays and concerts; I'd forgotten what it was like to simply be giggly and girly, doing each other's hair and making last-minute runs to Walgreens for tights and lipstick and hairspray. There was no competition; everyone was genuinely having fun; even when there was an emergency and we had to sew a girl into her dress, we laughed and talked and commiserated over chest issues. I became so much closer to just about everyone in the house; I never thought that would happen.

Also, I want to buy a straightener.

I also got to hang out and gossip with Michelle tonight, which was equally fun. Every time I get to hang out with her, I'm reminded of how much fun we have, and how we need to get less busy. Perhaps on Tuesday; and just about everything in this last paragraph applies to Katie as well, so once more, perhaps on Tuesday...

I've been taking pictures of my room and stuff, to show the family; perhaps if I am a very lucky girl, they will get magically developed and scanned and posted.

I want more nights like Saturday night, minus the stomach problems and exhaustion. :) I wonder if anyone noticed how my face lit up...

Howl and the party were this weekend. Both turned out rather well, considering. Howl was overall more successful than the party I think, though. Then again, my own attitude is skewed this year...I had more fun taking pictures than being part of the party, but the people inside dancing seemed to be having fun, so, oh well. I really liked my costume, really liked the costumes of some others, and took tons of pictures. Maybe they will be posted at some point. Am addicted to online game now. Other than that, am very sleepy, but I got all my homework done, so wooooo.

Oh, got to see Jen today for first time in ages. She must come again soon, when I don't have a concert in 15 minutes. :)

Off to sleep.

Am completely exhausted. I got up super-early to go to the print shop and get more advertising, and I haven't stopped moving since, or sat down for that matter. I finally went to bed after being told to by various people for about an hour. If volunteers show up, I think it'll be ok. I really am excited about Howl. However, I'm definitely less excited about the Pinehurst party. The thing I'm looking forward to most for tomorrow evening is when I get to just snuggle up and play video games. There's really not much difference in one day, so this is pretty much like a normal week, but I still have that miss-ish feeling.

I hope everyone is doing well at the competition.

Also, I think my costume is acceptable for tomorrow night. It'll be ok. I hope.

I can barely type with coherence, so off to bed.

Oh, I had a French quiz today. I think I did well, except I realized later I said on one question that one can buy vegetables in a butchery. Sigh. But I think the grammar was correct. :)

Disaster averted, for I now have a costume. Shopping for it today was fun, a nice change after the perfectly alarming afternoon. I was this close to snapping, but managed to recover. Chinese food helped. However, I'm attempting to not eat chocolates or soda, and I'm basically twitching. Maybe I should put off the diet until...after the majorly stressful few weeks? Eh, in the long run, this is supposed to help my stress.

I came home to two messages, both of which brightened my day considerably and made my face split into the largest grin imaginable. One was from Katie, who of course had many save-the-day ideas just after I bought a costume. Many thanks again, Katie!

A grad school catalogue from Princeton arrived today. I've been too busy to look at it, but...cool.

Well, this sucks. Alice costume does not fit. Am now very depressed, for probably stupid reason. Have no costume now also. Not to mention, no time/money/lacking creativity to think of new one. I may just cop out and go for dead 50's girl.

Anyone have any ideas, that can be implemented before Saturday?

Wooooooo I am excited. Check this out: http://www.sim-ple.net/videos/ff7_ac_sound.mpeg

And many thanks to Thumper-Chris.

Sooo, looks like there's going to be a new CG movie based on Final Fantasy VII.

This is the coolest pic I've seen yet: http://sony.gamerfeed.com/gf/media/screens/2277/2/

This article cracked me up: http://www.egmmag.com/article2/0,4364,1343744,00.asp

So, when I went to Park Ave CDs I wound up buying the Sin single finally. You know, I know I just recently defended the cover of "Get Down Make Love." After listening to it for the first time in, well, about five years, I've come to the conclusion that it isn't quite as cool as I remember it being. Sigh. Maybe stuff like The Fragile has spoiled me, or maybe I'm just more picky in my *cough* old age. Dunno.

It's been an active night, for Jill has been doing her laundry! Still, though, I think I needed the day to relatively stay in...I still felt kinda funny just a little while ago, and I've been feeling kind of dizzy all night, and still am now, just sitting here in my chair. My mom is a genius - I took her advice and have been watching Ocean's Eleven and drinking hot chocolate, and it's been quite nice. And I got a call from my dad, and a "call" from Katie as well, sooo... I feel loved. ^_^

I want a digital camera. But I think, for now, I'll settle for a disposable one. Hopefully I will sometime soon take pics of my room, all Halloweeny, and then take ones of Howl.

I just had to do some great manuvering to be able to type and watch the Becoming video at the same time. I was in the middle of watching it this morning and suddenly I recognized the birthday-cake-candle moment, and burst out laughing. That boy has ruined that image for me forever...

So, in a feat of wonder, my hair managed to break my favorite pair of chopsticks today. Even though my hair is much shorter than it used to be, it's apparently still just as stubborn. It was actually kind of weird...I'm wearing pinstriped pants today, and as I was putting in the chopsticks, I was abruptly reminded of another time when I used to wear pinstripes and chopsticks, only then it was paired with black Candie's sneakers and scratch-and-sniff Chinese food t-shirts. First, it was amusing, because that trend has recycled itself so quickly...I mean, it seems like only yesterday that pinstripes were the retro-20's Brian Setzer-chic. Then I was amazed at how much everything has changed since then. Five years is quite a long time when one is comparing fifteen and twenty. I barely know anyone who has known me consistently since then...maybe just Katie, Casey and Jacob. Oh, and Josh, but I barely talk to him anymore, and he doesn't see me currently. Anyway, weird memories. Also amusing to me is the fact that I have no idea what became of those pants. They dropped off the face of the planet.

I'm still feeling a little leftover sick from last night, but much better. I'm thinking I might walk over to Starbucks to break money, so I can get some for laundry, and maybe Park Ave CDs. I shoooould also practice, but meh.

In a Bright Jill Moment of the Day, I taped up the broken chopstick and stuck it in anyway. The tape sort of hurt, but it seems to be functioning all right.

Oh, fine, here's my friend quiz thingy: http://jadezuki.friendtest.com

I am sick. :[ And now that I am finally on fall break and have nothing to do, someone else has quantum due and programming stuff. And, um...so does Casey. :) So at least someone else understands, I think. Eh, I suppose I'll be busy enough, with shopping for Howl. We went shopping all day, and I am finally feeling pretty good about it; we've made a lot of reasonable decisions, and have come up with some feasible alternatives. And I haven't been to the Halloween store once in the past three times that he hasn't given me something free. :) It's been bumpy, but it may turn out okay. I'm finally getting excited.

I want to post more, but I'm quite sleepy. And if I get a phone call and I'm not asleep, I think I may get lectured, since I've been sick all night. And a got a special visit and everything, and I was so excited, and then I got sick. Sigh.

Off to bed she goes.

Well, I'm about to head off to French to find out exactly how poorly I did on my midterm. I'm feeling rather grim, but what's done. Plus, with the weather still being cool, it's hard to remain in a bad mood for very long. Last night, we went Howl shopping, even though the money still hasn't gone through; Alee fronted some. Now that we're actually making headway on stuff, I feel so much better, plus the Halloween store guy is going to lend us some stuff as well that I get to pick up today. Last night was hectic; after shopping with Alee and Craig, Craig and I had an 80's party with Duck Hunt for a bit, I talked to both of my parents extensively on the phone, I went to the grille for ice cream, and encountered Becky, Charles, Jonathan, and Culverhouse, and Culverhouse offered money and labor for the Dems, which makes me even more happy.

I waaaaant to play my gaaaaaame....

Okie, time for class. We'll see how this went.

I dreamt all last night that I couldn't remember any French. Then when I walked out the door, I was confronted with a nice surprise: it's cold outside. Crisp, and clear, and actually chilly. I was happy, and convinced myself that I would do fine on the midterm.

I just took it, and it was wretched. The first part of it was iffy, but okay. the last two pages were this huge long paragraph where we had to fill in blanks with the past form of all this stuff that was never in any of the chapters or on any of the vocab lists, so I had no idea whether to use the verb avoir with them or not, and had to guess on an individual basis. The only thing that makes me feel better is Sarah-Kate, whom I just conferred with and who confirmed that yes, it was all new stuff on the test, and she guessed too. Well, once again I am back to shooting for a B in the class. I was getting fluffy notions of maybe a B+, but nope...back to B. I think this test is going to kill my average.

However, I cannot dwell too long, for I have the next midterm coming up at one, and now I must study for it. Plus, it is still beautiful outside, and I am determined to remain in that frame of mind and enjoy the first real day of fall.

I'm actually in a pretty good mood today, despite the fact that I feel physically ill whenever I think of this upcoming week all at once. Last night I literally couldn't fall asleep til at least 1:30, because my brain wouldn't shut off, and I worried about everything from getting a ride to the doctor's office next Monday to preparing for all my midterms on Wednesday to Halloween Howl. However, I woke up today with a new determination to just take everything a little bit at a time for the next few weeks.

Last night we sort of went on a mini-shopping spree, and I was sort of the recipient of more than I deserve, in my opinion. I am now the proud owner of some awesome games, that I want to drop everything and play. Let me tell you, getting my homework done is nothing compared to the will it takes to look at my PS2 and not play it.

Now I'm off to my piano lesson, and then to horn ensemble after that. Long night.

I still can't listen to "Release the Dogs" without giggling.

Apparently I should clarify. My entire toenail did not fall off; only a small chunk of it did. It has come to my attention that having only a small piece fall off is not worthy of pity, and the masses want gore and total deformity. I am not the gruesome haunted-house attraction; I am only a Ricki Lake-caliber freak.

Sigh.

I cannot believe I'm up at this early hour on a Saturday. Gotta love being a Peer Mentor.

I AM having a party, dammit. I shall let you all know of the date, cause it won't be on Halloween.

I got to go shopping with Katie yesterday. While I was not successful in obtaining anything Halloween-related, I did buy a pair of pinstriped pants that are very comfy. And Jason taught me how to do the Australian foot dance. I also watched a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy marathon last night, made hilarious by commentary from a true goofball.

Don'tcha like my *style*?

I have a musical doing through my head, if it isn't obvious.

Off to the music building, I suppose (ugh).

So, about my toenail getting better...

Um, yeah, today it fell off.

Soooooo I got my flu shot today. I was absolutely fine, and then about three or four hours later I realized my arm had gotten very very sore. Luckily, it's up on my shoulder almost, so excpet for those times when the soreness shoots down my whole arm, I'm pretty much okay. And as I've said about thirty times already today, it's better than getting the flu. While I was at the clinic they also did a follow-up on my toe. Apparently, it's healing nicely, and today was the first day I could wear close-toed shoes. And Halloween socks, wooooooo.

Michelle and I did the girly Gilmore Girls thing last night, and it was fun, despite the episode not being as good as last week's. I missed the first ten minutes or so, though, due mostly to miscommunication. Ah well.

Tonight we're supposed to do serious planning for Howl. I've been kind of freaking out about it, since the time is shorter than one might think. Plus, I think Jackie and I are just too busy as opposed to last year - we can't just take off and go for a whole afternoon like we did last year, apparently. Well, I mean, we're obviously going to have to, but finding the time to do so is more difficult. Maybe we need willing slaves, the way we were for Alex last year.

I talked to my mom today - they were putting up Halloween decorations, making me therefore feel homesick. While I did put up Halloween decorations this year, it was all by myself, and nothing like the bustle I heard in the background. I want Halloween fun, but I just can't get into it this year. I'm not even sure I'm going to have a party, and I've had one every year since I was thirteen. No one can come this year anyway, it seems. Sigh.

I wouldn't normally be even thinking about writing this early in the day, but the site I normally look at in the morning is down and having critical errors. :P Anyway, I suppose it can't hurt to get my brain working before I go to class.

Yesterday was my hectic day, but it actually wasn't too bad. For those who do not know, my hectic day consists of straight class, work study, ensembles and lessons, with one hour for lunch and one hour for dinner, from 9 am to 10 pm. But last night I actually got home at 9:30 so I could go do my survey thing in the library, and I actually had time to do my homework in work study, so I was ok. Tonight might actually be more time-consuming, cause there's a program I have to attend at 7, and Gilmore Girls is at 8, etc, etc. Anyway, in piano I'm working on a piece by Scriabin, and it's absolutely gorgeous...or it will be, if I can ever play it. :) We were analyzing it in Theory V and it was so beautiful I decided it would be my next piece, and luckily, I was agreed with.

Today is my show, from 2-3 pm on 91.5. I know most people don't care for classical/have class/are out of the listening area, but listen pretty please...Katie actually gave me a request, and while we didn't have the request, I'm going to play Holst's 1st Suite in Eb in her honor anyway. Another girl gave me a request, and we actually had it (phew) so it is getting played today as well. I feel so powerful, hehe.

This next week is going to be a rough one, but I am doing an experiment, so we'll see how it goes. It's been fabulous so far; we'll just have to see...

I was just talking with a certain someone about how much it costs to get married in the chapel, etc. I know this because I work there part of the time, and we were walking past the chapel when I thought of it, so no one may have small heart attacks as they jump to conclusions, Katie and Michelle and Jackie and Casey. :) Anyway, talking about the chapel made me think of the bells going earlier, and then I was thinking about the chapel bell; it was transported from the original 1st Congo church, the one that founded the school, when the chapel was finally built a few years after the start of the school. So that means that even though the chapel wasn't built exactly when the school was, the bell is the very same one that's pealed since the first day of classes in 1885. Sometimes it's nice to have a sense of history.

And as I thought this, a line passed into my head from NOWHERE. "I have no sense of history?! He wears a brown tie!"

Name that movie, anyone?

And yes, I just resurrected my entire train of thought because I was that amused that I recalled that line. Yes, I am a goofball.

All the theater people are home now. We'll see if I can ever get some sleep.

And only roughly three hours later, my paper is done.

It was an analysis of Rachmaninoff's Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, and the first full paper I've had to write so far this year. A far cry from last year, when I had an intense philosophy course every semester. At any rate, I could tell I'm out of practice - my ideas didn't flow as well as they used to, and thus it took me a painfully long time to write the darn thing. Now I'm sitting here in silence, attempting to clear out my brain, while my fibre-optic pumpkin shimmers at me from the corner.

Hmm, not total silence. There's a wedding going on at the chapel, and the bells are pealing, which I've always loved.

There's been so much stress going on lately...I haven't gotten to spend nearly enough time with anyone I'd like to. When I'm not doing French, I'm practicing or going to some ensemble, or attempting to sleep; I've been sleeping as much as possible because I'm fearful of getting sick, which I simply cannot do this semester, since French is every day. Thus, it's sleep as often as possible, and juice every morning, and attempts to eat real healthy food as opposed to dieting, etc. The funny part is, the eating-real-healthy-food part is making me more psychologically satisfied, and either it's actually improving my appearance or it's warping my brain enough that I think my appearance is being impoved. Either way, not a terrible thing. I'm pretty ok with the decisions I've been making so far this semester. The only downside is the lack of time I have for people: my boyfriend, my friends, or even just people I'd like to know better. Luckily, everyone else seems to be at least nearly as busy as I, so in most cases I don't feel too guilty. Still...the October break will be much appreciated.

Good thing my paper is due and the play is ending the same weekend. From now on I can tell much of my spare time (hah) will be devoted to Halloween Howl. Must get to work on costume...

Hopefully programming practice went well for all involved today, as well as the boys' meeting afterward.

I'm wearing my WPRK shirt for the first time today. I feel so special; like, well, a DJ...

Speaking of which, anybody have any orchestral pieces they'd like to request for my show on Tuesday? Last week one of the pieces I played was Russlan and Ludmilla, hehe...

I suppose I must go hunt down some food. And I must avoid the buffalo, for I can only carry about ten pounds of meat back to the wagon with me.

My computer is finally considered good enough for the real version of blogger! Wooooooo

Just one little bit of info before I go work on my paper:

Yesterday I opened a door on my foot and tore up part of my toenail. There was much blood, and a visit to the clinic. Now I have two band-aids on my toe that I'm not allowed to get wet. The good news is, most of it should reattach.

*Sigh* Have I mentioned I have this friend Alan? He lives in Chicago, and he is soo nice and intelligent and clever. Also, mature, as you can probably see by reading his comment on the last post. Yes, my good good friend Alan. He once drove me to the airport, cause he's THAT nice, and he doesn't get jealous at ALL. One day, he might even update his own blog, when the rest of us are lucky, that is. He also has wacky roommates, who photograph him doing kinky things to chicks, but he's always been a gentleman to me. He makes the hoodie fashionable! He pioneered the drunken-bear pose! Yes, that is my good friend, Alan.

Thanks to Thumper-Chris, I am now very much liking the Darkness, who are apparently really popular in England now. Check out Thing Called Love, if you can find it anywhere.

Okie, so a quick update before I make myself start my french homework.

French class is still pretty much consuming my life, but I'm managing to handle it. I think I'm just going to have to be satisfied if I get a B in the course. NOT what I want to do at all (now that I've been looking at the grad school stuff, my GPA is on my mind almost all the time) but I suppose I'll accept it somehow, as long as I get A's in all my other courses. Yes, this sounds totally neurotic, I know...but it's because grad school is what people REALLY look at, so I have to get into a good one, etc, etc... The second Gilmore Girls episode was last night, and I was able to catch it. It cracked me up, mostly because it did a fair job of capturing the rushed feeling of moving into a dorm the very first time. Apparently, my family watched it as well, and my sisters found it particularly funny because they kept saying, "It's Jill!" Sigh.

I got my new credit card in the package my mom sent. It's much prettier than the old version. Odd to think that I've had the card so long it expired...I still remember the Bank of America guy convincing me to sign up for it while I stood in front of Elizabeth my freshman year, waiting for Greg to pick me up. How time flies...

So the past weekend was awesome. I got to see Cursive both nights they were here. The second night I was in the very front, right up against the stage in front of the cello player, and amazingly I wound up in better shape and less drenched than the night before. To tell you the truth, the first night was almost more fun that way, but the second night was better in that I was RIGHT ON the stage, and then all sorts of coolness happened. First I was sad, because I was too shy to say anything to the cello chick when she was right in front of me (I froze, I have no idea why, but it happened like three times that night) so I was quite sad, but then cheered up because between Greg and I, we met most of the band, including the cello chick (though I felt like such a dumb fan. Must work on this). Also, the lead singer thought he knew Greg already, which I found quite amusing, and still giggle about when I think of it. Also, I got a Cursive t-shirt which I like very much, and Greg bought some CDs by Eastern Youth, a Japanese band who opened, and were also quite good. I don't think it could have been a better experience, with the exception of my shy mopiness.

Speaking of CD's, Matt's release party is tonight at the Social, but I don't know who's going and therefore don't have a ride. I suppose it's alright; I have homework to do, and practicing as well. Still, I know a guy who's releasing a CD. Wooo...

My mom sent me a package with all sorts of stuff; Count Chocula and Halloween socks and some of my clothes that I left at home and my saddle shoes...I was a happy camper.

All right, enough procrastination; to the homework I go.