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I think my brain has turned to mush.

I should have seen the warning signs when I got into this season of The Real World - first time in the history of the show that I have watched more than one or two episodes.

Then tonight, after watching the season finale of Real World, I watched an episode of the Ashlee Simpson show, then one of the Jessica Simpson show (well, Newlyweds, whatever), and FINALLY an episode of Degrassi Junior High (the new one). Perhaps scariest of all, I was really intrigued by Degrassi, and since my older sisters were completely into the old version of the show, I'm thinking of pulling out the video they have of the old stuff, to see what Spike and Snake looked like and all.

Note that I am twenty-one years old, and way beyond this teen angst crap.

Help me.


Note that I have finally fixed some links to the side. Everything should work now, with the possible exception of Jacob, who seems to be redesigning yet again. What a tease.

Looks like Julian will be making an appearance on the fourth, as he should be back from visiting his other grandparent by then. I will, of course, be taking tons of pictures, and hopefully (if someone would kindly explain to me how) I shall post pics.

I do think I shall go drag up that Degrassi tape. What a loser.

You know what? I'm actually looking forward to living in a dorm again. And I don't mean the angst-ridden (but pretty) hellhole that was Pinehurst last year, or even the sugary goodness that was the Cove (that's Community of Values and Ethics. Yep, when I lived there I drank for the first time, and participated in more ho activities than I care to remember). Rather, I'm referring to the idea of living in an actual DORM, long hallway, bathroom at the end (NOT co-ed bathrooms - it will such a relief to not run into Brad in his little white towel, though I will miss talking to gay Alex in the shower next to me). I don't know, it's akin to that beginning-of-the-school-year feeling everyone gets when they see the rows of backpacks and pencils and notebooks in Target. It's The College Experience that I enjoy. It's the feeling of new beginnings and possibility. I'm actually looking forward to hall meetings, setting up my room, getting settled. Maybe it's because I moved every few years growing up. The idea of staying in one place for more than a few years seems stifling.

Of course, the biggest perk of the coming living situation has got to be the people in the hall and dorm with me. Michelle will be right next door on one side (woooooo!), so it will almost be like having a roommate again. Amber will be on the other side. Scott will be down the hall. Emily will be a few floors down, as will Mo, and Nate, and Lindsay. It seems everyone NOT living in Sutton Apartments or doing the Greek/Roc thing will be living in my dorm. In a word, excellent.

The only downsides of this dorm are the location (on the other side of the campus from, well, everything else, but at least I won't be alone) and the laundry room. The laundry room is in the basement of the building, and creepy, to say the least. I have a feeling this was not always so. I have a feeling, back before Mexico, that the lounge in the basement was actually a happenin' place to be. However, now that everyone has cable, phones and computers in their rooms, the idea of a lounge is becoming obsolete, and the basement is a cold, looming, desolate place. I will not be doing my laundry alone.

Perhaps I'm simply excited about the beginning of my last year as an undergrad. I hope to suck up all the "college life" I can (well, or choose to, as I'm obviously not going to be a Rollie Collie). And I'm getting excited about grad school applications as well... Here's hoping.

Today was a fairly productive day, especially for me. Here's what I did:

Took a shower
Did some laundry
Worked on making my room habitable
Helped my mom clean out the gutters (gross; for some reason we never had to do this in Florida. Something had actually taken root up there)
Worked on Marie's room
Went through some of my clothes/worked on downsizing amount of stuff to take back to college

Today also represents day 1, phase 1 of eliminating all fantasy and fiction from Marie's life. Long story, perhaps to be posted later. I feel like the bad guy in Peter Pan. "Wendy, tomorrow you are growing up!" But then later tonight stuff happened that demonstrated the neccessity of this.

The new Sealab wasn't as good. It simply isn't the same without Murphy.

So I began working on my paper tonight. Woooooo!

Cursive - Staying Alive
I've decided tonight, I'm staying alive
Just kicking and screaming
Tonight, I'm staying alive
Just boiling and streaming

You take all things far too dark to comprehend
Sleep on it, one more night
One more night

I celebrate!

Alive!
I'm staying alive
Kicking and screaming
But boiling and streaming
Staying alive

doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
the worst is over

So last night I was just going down the links, making sure everything worked since I had updated and such, and decided to check out Jacob's site, even though it hadn't been updated in forever.

I almost choked and died. It's that awesome.

AHHHHHH! Did you know John Corigliano delivered the commencement speech to Peabody's graduating class this year? This is making me consider Peabody for grad school again...

Ugh, I'm just going to have to apply everywhere.

Just cleaned up some links and things. Oh, and does anyone want an invite to this Gmail thing? I have invites...

Am back safe from Cincinnati. Was very big exhausting ordeal, that perhaps I shall find the strength and wakefulness to post about later. I now have the theme song from "WKRP in Cincinnati" in my head. I also keep wanting to switch it to WPRK. I am a dork.

A girl on the board did my horoscope. Thoughts?

Jadezuki is born June eleventh

Positive: balanced, focused, objective, enthusiastic, inspirational, spiritual, idealistic, intuitive, intelligent, outgoing, inventive, artistic, service, healing ability, humanitarian, psychic, trustworthy, loyalty, inquisitive mind, comprehensive knowledge (damn girl)
Negative: superiority complex, dishonest, aimless, overemotional, easily hurt, highly strung, selfish *(aren't we all), lack of clarity, dominating(oo la la. trent would like), argumentative, indecision, lack of interest, worry, wasted mental energy.

Fluffy, but I found it interesting.

Well, there was no crisis after all. What occurred is exactly what I knew must have occurred, but, well, I'm a worrier and morbid. Thing that sucked the most was my lack of sleep. Though I did try to sleep (I promise), I no more than dozed, waking up and sighing at the darkness of the sky. I watched the sunrise. I wanted to sleep later, when I could be restful, but I had forgotten that we'd promised to help Doug weed the garden. Since I spent much of my teen years pulling weeds in the sun, I have since vowed that I shall live in an apartment. On the beach. No grass, or anything that grows and has that damp, dark, fermenting smell. Needless to say, that bit sucked. Still, spending the day over at Krista and Jim's with everyone wasn't that bad.

Oh, I uploaded some pics of Julian on my orkut account. If I could only figure out how to post them here, I would. He is adorable. Like I was saying elsewhere, if I have kids, I hope that cuteness gene lies somewhere in me as well.

Marie recognized Moonlight Sonata by name tonight. Apparently it was prominent in a murder on Case Closed. Sometimes it seems so surreal that I have a 13-year-old sister, who watches Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and this murder-detective anime, who can act so, well, age-appropriate at times, but then of course she is not. I hope she continues to mature like this. Apparently a lot of similar stuff that Lee had miraculously vanished after he cleared puberty. It would be nice if she followed suit.

Lee's in Vegas now. Working as a barback in a strip club. Apparently he makes good money. Too funny.

I feel like I just got back from Omaha, and now tomorrow I'm leaving for Cincinnati. It's only an overnight stay, though, for an evaluation for Marie.

The lack of sleep is hitting me in waves now that I've turned out the light. To bed I go.

Alcohol has never produced anything for me but worry. And a lack of sleep.

This really sucks.

Hmmm, someone's been sleeping in my blog...

Thanks to all for the birthday wishes! I would have responded sooner, but I've been in Omaha since the tenth, visiting my extended family. I had one drink on my birthday, and went to a casino. I also took over 300 digital pictures. Perhaps I shall post a few, when Jim puts the majority of them on my computer. Oh, and a raging storm came through the second day I was there. Though no tornadoes touched down in my aunt's neighborhood, they did just past it, and in the meantime, we got to see the rotating clouds preparing to form into funnels as they passed over the house. Very scary. And sirens were going off in the distance, and it was terrifying waiting for them to go off there. Stacey, of course, ran out under the scary clouds with the digital camera, so we have some pictures and little mini-videos. Perhaps I shall post those.

Oh, and I went down to Saddle Creek. Cause I'm a geek like that. And I bought a Saddle Creek t-shirt, and a new Cat House shirt from the zoo, to replace the one Stacey stole and won't give back.

Oh, and my mom got me a digital camera/video/webcam thingy for my birthday. It is one fun toy.

Diet is going ok; I lost seven pounds so far, though I may have gained two back in Omaha. However, I think most of that was water weight, as I was drinking soda like a fish, so losing those two shouldn't be too terrible. After that, it's only four more pounds to reach my 4th-of-July goal. Weird to think that I was once 100 pounds. Weirder to think that I went up only one size after gaining 30 pounds, but went up an additional size after gaining only 10 more than that. Oh well. Even though I'm not 100 pounds anymore, and I am losing weight, I don't plan to get below 125 or so; I actually like my body this way. I shall not be a stick-bug. Plus, another reason I'm not 100 lbs now is that I'm not 13 anymore. Being a woman has worked out far better for me than being a teenager did.

Having a massive headache, so I will cease staring at the screen and continue reading my book... Oh, and so far, I highly recommend it, esp to Katie, Michelle, and, you know, the chick audience, but really it's just a good novel. It's The Robber Bride by Margaret Atwood, and though I'd read (and written papers on) some of her other works, namely Surfacing and the Handmaid's Tale, I'm liking this one far more. It's also twice as long and intricate, something I enjoy.

Ok, to bed I go.

Mikhail, Vasiliy and Johanna took off today, it's hard to believe that they actually lasted so long in the mountains anyway. The scenery is SO beautiful out here, and the views are quite astonishing. Unfortunately, the weather is not so propitious. You'd figure natives would be more hardy, but I suppose the urban life weakens us all. The remaining quartet of mountaineers are very sad, yet understanding to see the rookies head home. None of us had such contumacious dispositions even a year ago. The Ural range took care of that disability, however!

These Caucasus mountains, on the other side of the coin (and continent, I suppose), are monsters. If mountain ranges were felines, I would feel safe with my cute, cuddly Neroda Mountain sleeping in my very own bed. The feral Elbrus, on the other hand, would be suitable only for Sigfried and Roy. Still, one yearns to visit the menagerie of that ambiguous pair, no? Tamara, Kieran, Ilya and I shall endeavour to do so! More news as it happens. Fondest wishes to my readers!

(yes this is a repeat, it's that good)

It's only recently that I've realized how short I am.

Consider:

I am at least 2 and a half feet shorter than Shaquille O'Neal.
I am 5 feet shorter than a male African Elephant.
I am more than 60 feet shorter than a blue whale.
I am around 1,450 feet shorter than the Empire State Building (not to mention 200 feet shorter than the antenna alone).

It's amazing!

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So, let me tell you all about my Day After Tomorrow experience.

First, know that tonight was Family Night at the drive-in. This means that it costs $8 per car, for a double feature. Since this is a great deal, the object is of course to cram as many people into one car as possible. And this isn't one of those drive-ins where people actually stay in their car. Rather, it's done tailgate-style, with the rear of the car facing the screen, and picnic blankets, lawn chairs and citronella candles abound. The guys set up a football game while waiting for the sun to go down. That kind of thing.

Tonight the double feature was Harry Potter 3 and TDAT. Crammed into one SUV was: Myself, my mother, three of my sisters, my brother-in-law, my three-year-old nephew, my stepbrother, and his girlfriend. Most everyone is in their twenties and thirties. After Harry Potter, my nephew, thirteen-year-old sister, and stepbrother with a cold sacked out, leaving the rest of us to tear the movie to shreds - and have a great time doing it.

We decided immediately that the doomsday part of the movie is obviously due to the failure of the ringbearers, seeing as Bilbo was in this and Frodo was in Deep Impact. We also decided this movie must have been made by intelligent people, since they use words like "trophosphere." Also, no shareholders of Aqua Net made this film, that's for sure.

Favorite line from the movie became: "Get on the snowshoes. We're walking." (From Philly to NYC)

Favorite line from the family: "Can you imagine what they said when they were pitching this movie? It must have been like, 'Ok, so they're in New York City, right? Like, the library. But, there's a SHIP outside. And it's full of WOLVES! Just go with me on this one."

It was definite fun. It seems everyone in my family loves a good bad disaster flick, and this one had pretty good CG to boot. I think it would have been better if the radical weather shifts were due to some Doomsday device and not someone's spray-on deoderant, but oh well.

In other news, I have been pretty bad with the cheating on my diet lately, and I feel I should start anew tomorrow. Not because I think I'm gaining weight back or anything, but my body literally feels junked up. I shall be good... least 'til I get my birthday cake at the end of the week.

The house is so quiet this time of night. Everyone's asleep, and I can hear everything: the dryer going in the basement, Marie's radio, turned on to a classical station, in her room. The fridge is humming, and Anya is trying to give Drusilla a bath. She doesn't appreciate it. Oh, and Stormy just sneezed. Sigh. The cats have come down with cat flu, and though most of them are better thanks to antibiotics, Stormy's still lingering on a bit. She was the last cat to get it, though.

I guess it isn't all that quiet, given what I just listed. I guess it's just that Lee isn't the house, nor Jim, Krista or Julian. They're all such loud people that when they leave it's like a vaccum has sucked all the air out of the house. So weird about Lee; just a few years ago, I didn't even know him. Now, he's become a part of the family, for better or for worse. His girlfriend is visiting as well, and she's quite nice. Not as loud as Lee, thankfully.

Today I went and got fitted for a bridesmaid dress for Michelle's wedding. It was fun; the dress is a lovely color, and it went quickly, because I guessed my sizes right on the first try (I'm becoming a pro at this bridesmaid thing, you see). It's so weird, though; though I don't have bridal fever, of course being in that environment makes one wonder about one's own wedding, floating out there somewhere in the undetermined mist of future. I've never been one of those girls who plans their wedding out to the china when they're twelve, but I've always had definite likes and dislikes, ie, no huge bows on the back of the dress. I mentioned that I wouldn't really want a veil, so my mom stuck a tiara on my head. That, by the way, was a bad idea, and we decided a circlet or wreath would be better; but the action itself was so surreal. Weird to think that Michelle is going through all this for real.

Being a bridesmaid isn't so scary. You can be one when you're sixteen; I still have my maid of honor dress from Krista's wedding in the closet downstairs, along with my senior homecoming dress and my (mouse-chewed) senior prom dress. Being a bride - wearing one of those thirty-pound, larger-than-life dresses - now, that's a bit scary. It seems very removed from me: me, wearing a red shirt with a monkey on it, jeans, socks with little dancing hot cocoa mugs on them and an oversized Eeyore sweatshirt. Not exactly the picture of an adult. And yet... and yet, the notion isn't completely out of my grasp. I can see it happening. And the idea is NOT scary, because I know I'd be ready, and it would be exciting. It would be fun to have tomato sauce on my nose all the time, in essence. Maybe it's that knowledge that some might find scary.

I've been thinking about Seattle more and more. Maybe the grayness here is making me long for the sun of the West or something. I really was spoiled; it didn't rain the entire time we were in Seattle. I have a warped view now, perhaps.

My hair is getting longer, and I'm losing weight, despite the brownies I've been munching lately. I need to drink more water, though, or my kidneys will be screaming.

My. I guess being around my family does have an effect on me. I think that phrase was distinctly my mother.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Reading people's blog archives is pretty amusing. Too bad mine don't work at all - it might have been interesting to see what I dug up. On the other hand...maybe not. There's been so much pain throughout the past few years, maybe it's better that I don't have it documented. I've had this mindset for awhile; I threw away all my diaries years ago. Some memories are best forgotten. On the other hand, I think the problem with my diary was that I was too open with it. When ya go back and censor your own thoughts, you know something is wrong. Rather like this blog, which I of course still censor for certain reasons. In any case, the diary was just all bad. So it went in the trash. Well, both of em. I do think I have a Buffy diary lying around somewhere, but I may have ripped out anything I wrote in it. Just easier. And I've never regretted it...until the other day. I think it may have been amusing to go back and read about my 5th-grade stuff, me and Mariel going to meet Geoffrey (!!!) at The Lion King, etc, and for a moment - just a moment - I felt sad that I had ditched it all. Then I realized

*EDIT* There I go editing myself again. Some things sound way better at three in the morning.